Marriage and children

Lately I have noticed that everyone I grew up with is moving forward with their lives much faster than I myself has. Everyone I have graduated with has either gotten married or had a child or children, or both. I feel like there must be something wrong with me, or maybe I am just the smart one for waiting. It is so strange though to look at people I used to sit in a classroom with and then see them now being mothers and fathers.

A friend I went to school with back in high school and I were talking the other day about the past and how things used to be and how they have changed. Although I obviously am already at that age when most people are starting that part of their lives, I can’t help but feel like I’m still too young. Like we all are. It’s almost funny to think about being 21 years old and being afraid of “growing up”, but I am! And why should I want to? I see what these people go through and I just couldn’t imagine myself in that situation, nor would I want to. But while talking to a friend of mine, I said something that she found very funny. I don’t want kids. But if I have them I want to be younger when I do, because I don’t want to be an old mother. I used to say that I want to get married at 21 and have kids at like, 23 or 25. But I am already 21, and just got out of a 4 year relationship that I thought was going to turn into a marriage. But I guess I was wrong. So that ship has pretty much sailed. The way I figure it, I want to be in a relationship for at least 2 years before I get married. Then be married for about 2 years before having children. This already would put me having children later in life than I had always planned.

But what my friend thought was funny was that I said that by the time I get married and ready to have kids, my eggs will probably be dried up. This made her crack up. But I was serious when I said it. But when I really sit down and think about it, I don’t think I want kids. I mean, maybe in the future I will change my mind, but at this time I just don’t think its for me. Maybe its because I was never raised up around children. None of my family members were having kids when I was growing up. So everything I know of them is what I observe, and it doesn’t really look worth it to me. I just don’t quite understand. This is the part of the conversation when I was accused of being selfish. But you know what, I think it would be better to be a bit selfish then to have kids when I am not ready. I just don’t see the rush. I think it is very smart of me. I am the only girl on my mother’s side of the family that didn’t have a kid at 18 years old. I think this is a good thing. I’m not rushing into anything, it will happen when it is meant to. Until then I’m going to enjoy my life.