All about me!

I have decided that this blog entry, being that it is my last, should be about none other than myself. I have talked about a few things I have opinions about or have been assigned to talk about, but nothing about myself. And what better way to close out the blogging assignments than to talk about myself. :) Nothing of opinion or research, just facts...about me.

My name is Amber Jane Lacy. I was born on July 8th 1989. I love my miniature schnauzer puppy Samantha. I am extremely pessimistic. I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and my friends love to make fun of me for it even though it bugs the hell out of me. I have social phobia. I would rather take a zero grade than to get in front of the class. I avoid social situations. I am more of an observer. I like seeing how others act. I am very punctual all the time. Im always early, never late. I don't ever lose anything. I am organized. I like to have set plans at all times. I am never really spontaneous although I am jealous of those who are. I would honestly give everything I have to be beautiful. I have very strong morals and beliefs and I stick to them. I am also constantly being told by my family that my beliefs are stupid and wrong. This makes me believe in them even stronger. I am in love with love. My biggest fear is ending up alone. I want to get married more than anything in the world. I have to carry around a "puffer" because I am prone to having panic attacks in which I have trouble breathing. Usually this is brought on by spiders more than anything else. I love music and I love to sing, although I am not too talented at it. I love gorey things. Purple is my favorite color. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I am smarter than I appear. Im not as book smart as I am in terms of what is going on in the media. I spend alot of time watching reality television, looking things up online, getting the gossip, and watching the news. I love going to school now. I am making better grades in college than I ever made in highschool, middleschool, or elementary. I wish I could save the world. I wish I could be vegetarian. I am a extremely emotional person. It doesnt take much to make me cry. I am paranoid alot of the time. I live in a world of "what if's". I wish it was easier for me to let go of the things that bother me. I always hold grudges deep inside. I always hurt. I am shy and soft spoken. I dont stand up for myself because I am afraid of conflict. But when I am really upset, it shows. I have trouble hiding emotions. Anything I feel can be read from my face. Only 2 people in the world really know me, my brother and my boyfriend. My mother and I dont get along. Never have. I dont care. She drinks way too much and loves to make the people around her feel like crap on a daily basis. I try to avoid home as much as possible. My father and I are close. My grandmother calls me her AngelGirl and every Christmas or birthday she gives me something with an angel on it every time. This was before she started losing her memory. Alzeheimers. First impressions really do mean everything. I dont have many girl friends. I like it that way. I dont like people who change to match the people they are hanging around with, you cant be goth one minute and redneck the next. I am always too forgiving and I usually end up regretting that. Although I am a very forgetful person, I never forget what hurts me. I always think people can change, although I know its not always true. And just because they change, very rarely is it for the better. I have always dreamed of being a Homicide Detective. I am now on my way to achieving this dream. I have never really wanted to be anything else. My real dream would be to work on a case of a serial killer. Something like the Jeffree Dahmer case. I am very morbid for a girl. This is something you would never know by looking at me. I like that. If I had to choose one celebrity to meet I would choose Marilyn Manson because he is amazingly talented, has a intoxicating mind, and he is gorgeous. I am secretly in love with Marilyn Manson. I love animals so I would love to do something to help sick, abused, neglected animals. I get taken advantage of alot because I am a good friend to those I love. I am always the one people go to for advice, and although I can dish it out, I can never seem to take the advice myself. If given the chance, I could make you love me. I have read the Twilight books all 4 times over. I have seen the movies more times than I can count. I am Team Jacob. The fact that I can even say that is embarassing. I have to watch New Moon every time I get ready to go somewhere. It is just part of my makeup/hair/dressing routine. I am a 21 year old Twi-hard. It is pathetic. It is also an obsession. I rarely think before I speak so the things that sound right in my head, often come out totally wrong. I often sound unintelligent.

PetPeves: ice chewing, hearing people chew, people who cant keep up with their things, unorganization, uncleanliness, mayonaise, people who arent on time or break plans at the last minute, clingyness, mouth breathers, nose whistling, two-faced people.

Addictions: Food, iPod, sleeping, plucking, the smell of hot tea, gore, going out, purple things, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Twilight Saga, Newports, shopping, makeup, pictures, the boyfriend.

There is so much more about me, but I think its about time to cut this blog short. When first assigned to do blog assignments every week, I was not excited about it. But I have learned to enjoy it and I think I will continue to post personal blogs even after this quarter is over.

The Hauntings of Monticello, Florida

The Hanging Tree, the Wirick-simmons house, John-Denham house, and the Opera House.

Finding a blog topic is harder than it seems, but after really thinking about it, I decided to wright about my town that I have lived in my entire life. Monticello Florida. Not much interesting goes on in this town and for entertainment most people must leave and go to Tallahassee. But there is something interesting about my small little town. It is voted one of the most haunted small towns in America. It has its own ghost tracking group of professionals called Big Bend Ghost Trackers that hosts tours to the public taking them around to all the most haunted places in the town (and surrounding areas).
The John Denham house bed and breakfast is known for its lavishly furnished rooms and dates back to 1872. The blue room is reported as the center of activity. A woman has been seen in the room as well as in the hallway. Also a union soldier is said to haunt the property as well. It has been investigated numerous times. The Palmer house Antique Store was built at the turn of the 20th century by Dr. Palmer Senior. His office was located by his house. Today it is utilized as an antique store. Dr. Palmer was the local mortician who rumors say would experiment on the bodies before they were buried. He also believed the bodies should be buried with their blood so he would keep their drained blood in a bucket. Once the casket was laid into the ground, his assistant would dump the bucket in the grave before it was covered up. One night during an argument, the assistant threw a bucket of blood at Dr. Palmer, leaving a stain on the wall. Through many attempts the stain could not be removed. Finally, the wall was completely replaced. His assistant was named Poltergeist and he invested Cough Syrup 666. The Scott-Simmons house was used as a hospital during the Civil War and also was the sight of an Indian massacre. The Wirick-Simmons house is haunted by the woman who used to reside there. The old Hanging tree is another hot spot for spirits. Located in between the opera house and court house, this is where people who had done wrong were punished by a public hanging. The opera house itself is also known to be haunted by Mr. John Henry Perkins. Unidentified odors have been smelled as well as piano music has been heard playing in the building by visitors as well as staff.
These are just a few of the stories that have circulated about the small southern town of Monticello. There is no question of why it has been named one of the most haunted places in the country. There are so many more stories about this town but I wont get into them. Me being the kind of person who is really interested in the paranormal, I just think it is kind of cool to be from a town like this.

Marriage and children

Lately I have noticed that everyone I grew up with is moving forward with their lives much faster than I myself has. Everyone I have graduated with has either gotten married or had a child or children, or both. I feel like there must be something wrong with me, or maybe I am just the smart one for waiting. It is so strange though to look at people I used to sit in a classroom with and then see them now being mothers and fathers.

A friend I went to school with back in high school and I were talking the other day about the past and how things used to be and how they have changed. Although I obviously am already at that age when most people are starting that part of their lives, I can’t help but feel like I’m still too young. Like we all are. It’s almost funny to think about being 21 years old and being afraid of “growing up”, but I am! And why should I want to? I see what these people go through and I just couldn’t imagine myself in that situation, nor would I want to. But while talking to a friend of mine, I said something that she found very funny. I don’t want kids. But if I have them I want to be younger when I do, because I don’t want to be an old mother. I used to say that I want to get married at 21 and have kids at like, 23 or 25. But I am already 21, and just got out of a 4 year relationship that I thought was going to turn into a marriage. But I guess I was wrong. So that ship has pretty much sailed. The way I figure it, I want to be in a relationship for at least 2 years before I get married. Then be married for about 2 years before having children. This already would put me having children later in life than I had always planned.

But what my friend thought was funny was that I said that by the time I get married and ready to have kids, my eggs will probably be dried up. This made her crack up. But I was serious when I said it. But when I really sit down and think about it, I don’t think I want kids. I mean, maybe in the future I will change my mind, but at this time I just don’t think its for me. Maybe its because I was never raised up around children. None of my family members were having kids when I was growing up. So everything I know of them is what I observe, and it doesn’t really look worth it to me. I just don’t quite understand. This is the part of the conversation when I was accused of being selfish. But you know what, I think it would be better to be a bit selfish then to have kids when I am not ready. I just don’t see the rush. I think it is very smart of me. I am the only girl on my mother’s side of the family that didn’t have a kid at 18 years old. I think this is a good thing. I’m not rushing into anything, it will happen when it is meant to. Until then I’m going to enjoy my life.

Love?

How do we know that love really exists? That there's always that one person you are always meant to be with, a "soul mate". Is there really some cosmic force pushing two individuals together? And if so, why don't we meet that person from the start? It would be so much easier if you could just know from the beginning who you are meant to be with. Why go through the process of elimination in the mean time? If there's one person for everyone, someone I'm destined to be with, then what is the purpose of dating? If everything is already arranged then why go through the hard grueling times of dating loser after loser until you find that "perfect" one for you? Whats the point of dating if you know nothing is going to come from it? After all, is it not just a unnecessary process of elimination until you find the right guy? Catch and release theory. You get a guy, and if he's not good enough, let him go, bate your hook and when you get the next bite hope its a great catch.

But I wonder, if this is true, why do some people end up alone? Why do some people lose who they love? Whether it is by death or whatever the cause. How can you cheat on someone you once loved. Or someone who loves you? True love lasts forever, right? I mean, at what point do you decide that the one person you used to love, just isn't worth it anymore? And those people who end up alone, where was their "soul mate"? Maybe they were too busy dating all the losers thinking they were in love, and they ended up letting their true love pass them buy because they were blinded by the loser's deception.

I guess some would say that the search for your true love is all worth it. Although knowing from the start who it is would save you a lot of grief, it kind of takes the fun out of it. Also, going through all the horrible relationships would just make a person appreciate "the one" even more. Knowing where you came from to where you are now makes it all worth while. I have my doubts about love. I do. But you know, I don't believe in many things...but the one thing I do honestly believe in is love.