No longer for school assignments

I had to start this blog for school assignments in which I had to blog once a week on different topics that were assigned to me. I wasn't excited about this at first, but then I started to enjoy it very much. So now that that is over, I have decided to keep my blog and continue blogging. This time about things I care to blog about. Whatever is on my mind, or whatever is going on in my life. I am thankful that my teacher had decided to make us blog because if she hadn't, I would probably never had created a blog. I am excited that now I will be able to write whatever I like, without being graded, whether its for myself or for other readers. I will enjoy it.


On another note...I did so awesome in school last quarter I just cant believe it. I have now got a GPA of 3.8 which got me awarded Highest Honors for last Quarter. I just couldn't believe that. I haven't made such good grades since kindergarten when they grade you for coloring and playing nicely. I also was made a student mentor for a new student that just started this Quarter. It is just crazy how I did so horribly in all my years of school, then I get to college and start doing amazing. I just love it so much. Everything seems to be falling into place.


For anyone who is considering school, I would definitely recommend ITT Tech. Seriously you will love it. I have just began my 3rd Quarter there and still look forward to going to class. The teachers are great. The way the school runs things is so refreshing. The students that go there are just so easy to get along with and welcoming. It is hard to find someone you don't like at that school. And for me personally, I love the Criminal Justice school. It is just so interesting and fun to learn. I just am so happy with my life right now. And it feels nice to finally have someone feel proud of me and actually have faith that I will be going somewhere with my life. That is the best feeling.

All about me!

I have decided that this blog entry, being that it is my last, should be about none other than myself. I have talked about a few things I have opinions about or have been assigned to talk about, but nothing about myself. And what better way to close out the blogging assignments than to talk about myself. :) Nothing of opinion or research, just facts...about me.

My name is Amber Jane Lacy. I was born on July 8th 1989. I love my miniature schnauzer puppy Samantha. I am extremely pessimistic. I have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and my friends love to make fun of me for it even though it bugs the hell out of me. I have social phobia. I would rather take a zero grade than to get in front of the class. I avoid social situations. I am more of an observer. I like seeing how others act. I am very punctual all the time. Im always early, never late. I don't ever lose anything. I am organized. I like to have set plans at all times. I am never really spontaneous although I am jealous of those who are. I would honestly give everything I have to be beautiful. I have very strong morals and beliefs and I stick to them. I am also constantly being told by my family that my beliefs are stupid and wrong. This makes me believe in them even stronger. I am in love with love. My biggest fear is ending up alone. I want to get married more than anything in the world. I have to carry around a "puffer" because I am prone to having panic attacks in which I have trouble breathing. Usually this is brought on by spiders more than anything else. I love music and I love to sing, although I am not too talented at it. I love gorey things. Purple is my favorite color. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I am smarter than I appear. Im not as book smart as I am in terms of what is going on in the media. I spend alot of time watching reality television, looking things up online, getting the gossip, and watching the news. I love going to school now. I am making better grades in college than I ever made in highschool, middleschool, or elementary. I wish I could save the world. I wish I could be vegetarian. I am a extremely emotional person. It doesnt take much to make me cry. I am paranoid alot of the time. I live in a world of "what if's". I wish it was easier for me to let go of the things that bother me. I always hold grudges deep inside. I always hurt. I am shy and soft spoken. I dont stand up for myself because I am afraid of conflict. But when I am really upset, it shows. I have trouble hiding emotions. Anything I feel can be read from my face. Only 2 people in the world really know me, my brother and my boyfriend. My mother and I dont get along. Never have. I dont care. She drinks way too much and loves to make the people around her feel like crap on a daily basis. I try to avoid home as much as possible. My father and I are close. My grandmother calls me her AngelGirl and every Christmas or birthday she gives me something with an angel on it every time. This was before she started losing her memory. Alzeheimers. First impressions really do mean everything. I dont have many girl friends. I like it that way. I dont like people who change to match the people they are hanging around with, you cant be goth one minute and redneck the next. I am always too forgiving and I usually end up regretting that. Although I am a very forgetful person, I never forget what hurts me. I always think people can change, although I know its not always true. And just because they change, very rarely is it for the better. I have always dreamed of being a Homicide Detective. I am now on my way to achieving this dream. I have never really wanted to be anything else. My real dream would be to work on a case of a serial killer. Something like the Jeffree Dahmer case. I am very morbid for a girl. This is something you would never know by looking at me. I like that. If I had to choose one celebrity to meet I would choose Marilyn Manson because he is amazingly talented, has a intoxicating mind, and he is gorgeous. I am secretly in love with Marilyn Manson. I love animals so I would love to do something to help sick, abused, neglected animals. I get taken advantage of alot because I am a good friend to those I love. I am always the one people go to for advice, and although I can dish it out, I can never seem to take the advice myself. If given the chance, I could make you love me. I have read the Twilight books all 4 times over. I have seen the movies more times than I can count. I am Team Jacob. The fact that I can even say that is embarassing. I have to watch New Moon every time I get ready to go somewhere. It is just part of my makeup/hair/dressing routine. I am a 21 year old Twi-hard. It is pathetic. It is also an obsession. I rarely think before I speak so the things that sound right in my head, often come out totally wrong. I often sound unintelligent.

PetPeves: ice chewing, hearing people chew, people who cant keep up with their things, unorganization, uncleanliness, mayonaise, people who arent on time or break plans at the last minute, clingyness, mouth breathers, nose whistling, two-faced people.

Addictions: Food, iPod, sleeping, plucking, the smell of hot tea, gore, going out, purple things, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Twilight Saga, Newports, shopping, makeup, pictures, the boyfriend.

There is so much more about me, but I think its about time to cut this blog short. When first assigned to do blog assignments every week, I was not excited about it. But I have learned to enjoy it and I think I will continue to post personal blogs even after this quarter is over.

The Hauntings of Monticello, Florida

The Hanging Tree, the Wirick-simmons house, John-Denham house, and the Opera House.

Finding a blog topic is harder than it seems, but after really thinking about it, I decided to wright about my town that I have lived in my entire life. Monticello Florida. Not much interesting goes on in this town and for entertainment most people must leave and go to Tallahassee. But there is something interesting about my small little town. It is voted one of the most haunted small towns in America. It has its own ghost tracking group of professionals called Big Bend Ghost Trackers that hosts tours to the public taking them around to all the most haunted places in the town (and surrounding areas).
The John Denham house bed and breakfast is known for its lavishly furnished rooms and dates back to 1872. The blue room is reported as the center of activity. A woman has been seen in the room as well as in the hallway. Also a union soldier is said to haunt the property as well. It has been investigated numerous times. The Palmer house Antique Store was built at the turn of the 20th century by Dr. Palmer Senior. His office was located by his house. Today it is utilized as an antique store. Dr. Palmer was the local mortician who rumors say would experiment on the bodies before they were buried. He also believed the bodies should be buried with their blood so he would keep their drained blood in a bucket. Once the casket was laid into the ground, his assistant would dump the bucket in the grave before it was covered up. One night during an argument, the assistant threw a bucket of blood at Dr. Palmer, leaving a stain on the wall. Through many attempts the stain could not be removed. Finally, the wall was completely replaced. His assistant was named Poltergeist and he invested Cough Syrup 666. The Scott-Simmons house was used as a hospital during the Civil War and also was the sight of an Indian massacre. The Wirick-Simmons house is haunted by the woman who used to reside there. The old Hanging tree is another hot spot for spirits. Located in between the opera house and court house, this is where people who had done wrong were punished by a public hanging. The opera house itself is also known to be haunted by Mr. John Henry Perkins. Unidentified odors have been smelled as well as piano music has been heard playing in the building by visitors as well as staff.
These are just a few of the stories that have circulated about the small southern town of Monticello. There is no question of why it has been named one of the most haunted places in the country. There are so many more stories about this town but I wont get into them. Me being the kind of person who is really interested in the paranormal, I just think it is kind of cool to be from a town like this.

Marriage and children

Lately I have noticed that everyone I grew up with is moving forward with their lives much faster than I myself has. Everyone I have graduated with has either gotten married or had a child or children, or both. I feel like there must be something wrong with me, or maybe I am just the smart one for waiting. It is so strange though to look at people I used to sit in a classroom with and then see them now being mothers and fathers.

A friend I went to school with back in high school and I were talking the other day about the past and how things used to be and how they have changed. Although I obviously am already at that age when most people are starting that part of their lives, I can’t help but feel like I’m still too young. Like we all are. It’s almost funny to think about being 21 years old and being afraid of “growing up”, but I am! And why should I want to? I see what these people go through and I just couldn’t imagine myself in that situation, nor would I want to. But while talking to a friend of mine, I said something that she found very funny. I don’t want kids. But if I have them I want to be younger when I do, because I don’t want to be an old mother. I used to say that I want to get married at 21 and have kids at like, 23 or 25. But I am already 21, and just got out of a 4 year relationship that I thought was going to turn into a marriage. But I guess I was wrong. So that ship has pretty much sailed. The way I figure it, I want to be in a relationship for at least 2 years before I get married. Then be married for about 2 years before having children. This already would put me having children later in life than I had always planned.

But what my friend thought was funny was that I said that by the time I get married and ready to have kids, my eggs will probably be dried up. This made her crack up. But I was serious when I said it. But when I really sit down and think about it, I don’t think I want kids. I mean, maybe in the future I will change my mind, but at this time I just don’t think its for me. Maybe its because I was never raised up around children. None of my family members were having kids when I was growing up. So everything I know of them is what I observe, and it doesn’t really look worth it to me. I just don’t quite understand. This is the part of the conversation when I was accused of being selfish. But you know what, I think it would be better to be a bit selfish then to have kids when I am not ready. I just don’t see the rush. I think it is very smart of me. I am the only girl on my mother’s side of the family that didn’t have a kid at 18 years old. I think this is a good thing. I’m not rushing into anything, it will happen when it is meant to. Until then I’m going to enjoy my life.

Love?

How do we know that love really exists? That there's always that one person you are always meant to be with, a "soul mate". Is there really some cosmic force pushing two individuals together? And if so, why don't we meet that person from the start? It would be so much easier if you could just know from the beginning who you are meant to be with. Why go through the process of elimination in the mean time? If there's one person for everyone, someone I'm destined to be with, then what is the purpose of dating? If everything is already arranged then why go through the hard grueling times of dating loser after loser until you find that "perfect" one for you? Whats the point of dating if you know nothing is going to come from it? After all, is it not just a unnecessary process of elimination until you find the right guy? Catch and release theory. You get a guy, and if he's not good enough, let him go, bate your hook and when you get the next bite hope its a great catch.

But I wonder, if this is true, why do some people end up alone? Why do some people lose who they love? Whether it is by death or whatever the cause. How can you cheat on someone you once loved. Or someone who loves you? True love lasts forever, right? I mean, at what point do you decide that the one person you used to love, just isn't worth it anymore? And those people who end up alone, where was their "soul mate"? Maybe they were too busy dating all the losers thinking they were in love, and they ended up letting their true love pass them buy because they were blinded by the loser's deception.

I guess some would say that the search for your true love is all worth it. Although knowing from the start who it is would save you a lot of grief, it kind of takes the fun out of it. Also, going through all the horrible relationships would just make a person appreciate "the one" even more. Knowing where you came from to where you are now makes it all worth while. I have my doubts about love. I do. But you know, I don't believe in many things...but the one thing I do honestly believe in is love.

My Favorite Writer

My favorite writer is Edgar Allen Poe. I love the way he writes. I have always read his short stories and poems and really enjoyed them. They were first told to me as scary stories. This is how I first remember hearing of him. But instead of scaring me (although I did understand the creep out factor) I fell in love with them. I have quite a few books of collections of his work, as well as biographies of the writer himself.

The people who told me these tales around a campfire with intent to scare me did not know that this was actually the type of story that would intrigue me. I have a taste for the morbid side of things, as strange as it is to say. And by looking at me you couldn’t tell that I have that interest. But I have always as long as I could remember, taken a liking to the dark aspects of things. To each his own I guess.

This is why I love the way Poe writes. He writes about things that are dark and scary. I love to just sit down and spend the day reading his writings. And although I have read the same stories numerous times, they never seem to get old. There is always entertainment in what he wrote. Poe is known as the father of the modern detective story. He contributed greatly to the horror and science fiction genre and is a very famous poet today. Not only were his stories really intriguing, but his life was somewhat interesting and a mystery of its own.

He grew up in Boston and after his father ran off, his mother passed away a year later from alcoholism. He was taken in by a foster family. He attended college in Richmond for a year, but after deciding it wasn’t for him, he moved back to Boston and lived with his aunt and cousin. He joined the military and shortly after being discharged, he married his first cousin, Virginia Clemm. She was 13 at the time and he was 26. After a while she had gotten very ill with tuberculosis and the stress of her illness caused Poe to drink even more heavily. It is said that her death can be said to have been the inspiration in a lot of his stories.

He was born in 1809 and died when he was 40 years old. There have been many speculations as to what caused his death. Although his medical records and death certificate have been lost, old newspapers said that his cause of death was “congestion of the brain” of “cerebral inflammation”. This lead to the idea that his alcoholism is what killed him. But of course other rumors flew saying in was tuberculosis, his addiction to drugs, epilepsy, heart disease, syphilis, rabies, etc. But I guess the truth will never be known for sure. It will remain a mystery. But his writings still continue to be famous today. And I enjoy reading them so much.

What would I do...

If I were not limited by time, money, geography, or other resources, what would I do? I would love to travel. I would travel all over the country first. Then go all over the rest of the world! I would visit every country. I would just love to have the memories to share with my kids and grand kids some day.

I have always been interested in other cultures. I love to listen to different languages and notice the differences and similarities there are between my culture and the culture of other places. I like to eat alot so I think that trying different foods from different countries would just be so fun! And maybe I could even bring some of those ideas back home with me to continue eating here in the states. I like to learn of other countries histories and religions and beliefs.

I am very interested in the beauty of things. Every place has its own different beauty to it. I would love to go and look at all the different architecture and museums. Given the fact that money is no problem, I would shop everywhere I go so that I could bring a little culture back with me. I would bring different artifacts and souvenirs back with me so that I would be able to remember the trip forever and show my family and friends different things from different places all over the world.

Reality TV

I love to watch TV. To name my favorite show would be impossible though. But my favorite genre would be Reality TV. I just love watching it. Its like it sucks me in and I cant stop watching it. I am always looking for what will happen next. Its interesting to look at someone else's life and realize that maybe yours isn't as messed up as you think. Or maybe you live vicariously through the people on the TV. Either way, its addicting.

I love to watch the MTV show The Hills. Every week I have to tune in to see what happens next. If I miss an episode I make sure I'm home to watch the re-run when it comes on. Now that I think about it, its kind of ridiculous. Or pathetic. But I have been watching the show since day one, and now 6 seasons later, its coming to an end. Now I have got to find a new show I guess. But I just love to see what goes on in these people's lives. And I love the drama. That is what brings me into it most. Because I love drama, as long as it doesn't have to do with me! I try to stay out of it in my own life. I also like to watch the dating reality shows like Flavor of Love, and Rock of Love, etc.

I know very well that reality television is fake. I hate to admit to it, but I do know that. It is very scripted in every way, yet it is played off to be real. What some people don't realize is that everything that happens on the shows are set up. I mean, come on. The people on The Hills live in LA. Of all the clubs that are in LA, how is it that the person they are having drama with is always showing up in the clubs they are at and "bumping into" them? Then a fight ensues. It just doesn't happen like that in real life. But that doesn't mean it isn't still entertaining!

One of the actresses on The Hills, Lauren Conrad, actually wrote a book called LA Candy that told what really goes on behind the scenes of the reality television business. It tells about how nothing is as it seems. Their wardrobe isn't even up to them. They have to dress accordingly to the microphone equipment they have to wear underneath their clothes. When they are shown walking into the club, they don't just walk in, they have to wait outside, get microphoned up, and then have to walk into a club to an area that is reserved for that specific scene where they are told what is about to happen and how to act. It is basically a regular TV show, that just claims to be reality.

But for whatever reason, I cant stop watching. I have become addicted to The Hills and what goes on. I am sad to know that they are no longer going to be doing any more seasons. I feel like I have been watching it for so long, that it'll be weird not knowing whats going on with the people on the show. But there will always be re-runs!

Why I love Marilyn Manson

Marilyn Manson has been the subject of a lot of discussion throughout his career. There are many people who don’t necessarily agree with his beliefs. But I think a majority of it is just ridiculous. I personally feel that anyone and everyone has a right to believe in whatever they want to believe in and be whoever they want to be. No one should have any say in the matter. He isn’t hurting anyone. He is just being himself. If they have the right to be themselves, why shouldn’t other people have that same right?

I have listened to Marilyn Manson’s music for a long time now. I enjoy it. Conservatives don’t like him because they think he is corrupting their children. But they haven’t taken the time to really listen to the message he is trying to put out. Music is a very vocal way to get your point across to people. All he is trying to promote is freedom of expression. Be yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you who you can or can’t be. Do what makes you happy and what seems right to you, regardless of other people’s perspectives.

Much discussion directed to him is regarding to his religion. He is known as a “Satanist”. If anyone actually looked into his background they would know that he was raised up in a Christian household and went to a Christian school. He just decided to open himself up to other religions and realized that there’s a lot in Christianity that he doesn’t agree with. He refuses to be forced to believe in other peoples interpretations of God. No one person can own the copyright to what God means. So he educated himself on other ideals and other venues of religion. He did study Satanism, as well as other religions. But for some reason the only think people dwell on is the fact that he studied a Satanist church. This is ridiculous. And to be quite accurate, he actually has no religion. He doesn’t believe in any specific god. Does he try to convince kids to think the same way? No, he tells them that whatever they want to believe is right. And they shouldn’t be made to feel bad just because they believe differently than others.

Marilyn Manson has a career as a “shock rocker”. That is what he does. His whole stage persona is just that, a stage persona. He does things to challenge what has been deemed to be the social norm. He does dress differently. And what is so wrong with that? Many people think he must not be very smart, based on appearance. He is actually a very intelligent and well educated man. But he still holds true to his beliefs. No matter what others think.

I think overall people are just afraid. Just afraid of anything or anyone that is different. It is ridiculous that at this day in time people can still be so closed minded. I think that people fear corruption as such a horrible thing. But why should it be considered corruption? Why can’t it just be considered to be freedom of expression, which is something we as Americans have the right to anyway? It is so funny to me that people honestly think that Marilyn Manson’s music is the reason behind all these horrible things children have done. Take columbine for example. Marilyn Manson got blamed for that. Why? Because the teens who did it listened to him. Well, what if they listened to the Backstreet Boys? Would they have been blamed for the tragedy? No. It’s a double standard that is honestly ridiculous. When asked about what he would have said to the boys who killed all those kids in Columbine, he stated “I wouldn't say a single word to them. I would listen to what they have to say, and that's what no one did.”

I personally admire Marilyn Manson above anyone else. He is a beautiful person in my opinion. More people should be as honest as he is. He has been through so much turmoil just because of who he is, yet he still continues to be himself and get his message out. He is a voice for teens today. He teaches them that they aren’t screwed up. Their life is valuable no matter what their parents or teachers say. It is okay to be different. It’s okay to be who you truly are. Stand up for yourselves! His biggest fear is just being another sheep in society. I love to just listen to him speak in interviews. The things he says is just so inspiring to me. One quote he said in an interview was “I never said to be like me, I say to be like you and make a difference.”

Why I chose Criminal Justice

I guess you could say criminal justice is somewhat in my blood. My father used to be a deputy for the Jefferson County police years ago. He later became a correctional officer at the federal prison in Tallahassee. My uncle (his brother) is also a deputy in Jefferson County. His son just took a job at the prison in Monticello as well. A lot of the cops in Monticello whent to school with my dad and uncle so they are all friends. One of them is even my godfather. And quite a few came to the hospital to see me when I was born. I don't get pulled over much, but when I do I always get a warning and a call to my uncle and dad to tell them what I had done. Its kind of a double edged sword. But needless to say, I pretty much grew up around law enforcement.

But I have no interest in becoming a cop. I would like to be a homicide detective. Most people would take one look at me and think I could not do it. Maybe they think I will be too girly and will not be able to handle a career like that. But what they don't know is that a homicide detective is what I have always wanted to be. It is just something that has always held my interest. I have always loved reading and watching everything I could about Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and Ed Gein. My dream has always been to have the opportunity to work on a case like these. Maybe this makes me seem like a strange person, but that's just something that has always tickled my curiosity. Why not have a career that interests you and is interesting?

The criminal justice field has many benefits. There will always be job security. There will always be people dying and there will always be people messing up. This is not a career that I will get rich off of, that's for sure. But it is something that I enjoy learning about and sparks my interest. I am glad I took the steps to this career by enrolling in the program at ITT Tech.

Right after high school graduation I started college at North Florida Community College. I hated that school. It did not even offer Criminal Justice so I felt like I was wasting my time and money there at a school that I could not stand. So after a year I took a break. This break lasted much longer than I had planned. I then began talking to an old friend from high school (he is now in my Thursday night comp class as well). We started talking about school and what we had been up to and he told me about how he started school at ITT Tech and how much he loves it there. He said they have a criminal justice program and encouraged me to check it out. I took his advice.

I started my first semester in March. I immediately fell in love with the school. I really liked my teachers and the way things were done. I made some new friends and actually enjoyed going to school three nights a week. I look forward to it. This is something that is really out of character for me. I have never been one for scholastics. But coming to this school has helped me out a lot and I am really glad that I allowed my friend to convince me to enroll. If that had not happened I know I would not be in school anywhere now. So I owe him a lot. I love my school and I love criminal justice and I am so ready and excited to get my career started!

My Literary History

I remember when I was younger my mother used to read to me before bed. She would read to me from her collection of Little house on the Prairie books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, as well as some other books of my choice. I always loved when she would read my fairy tales and Dr. Seuss. But my grandmother was always the one encouraging me to read. She always bought me books and would read to me. She also got me my first library card. My grandmother would take me to the library with her once a week so I could go into the children's room where they would have story time as well as puppet shows, fun activities like craft making, and lots of children's books. I was always allowed to pick out books to bring home so we could read them. I would lie on the living room carpet in my grandmother's house and look at the same books over and over again. I adored them.

But then as I got older I started to hate reading. I think it stemmed from all the book reports that were assigned. I hated doing book reports. I think it took the fun out of reading. Reading was no longer a good experience, but it had turned into work. I hated having to read a book, then write about it, then present it to the class, and then get graded for it. After a while it seemed like the only time I read anything was when it was assigned to me. I would read the newspaper or magazines, but I hated reading books. I would avoid it at all costs. I just didn't enjoy it anymore. And then Twilight hit.

When I heard about this saga a while back I was curious about what all the hype was about. So I picked the book up and was sucked back into the excitement of reading. I remembered how wonderful it could be and I absolutely couldn't put the books down. I read them all three times over and enjoyed them every time. I now look for new books to read and I love reading whenever I have a spare moment. I can honestly say that Twilight inspired me and definately is the reason for my reawakening to the literary world.

When I was younger I used to keep a diary. I would write about the normal things an eleven year old girl would. Simple things, like what happened at school that day, things I was looking forward to, and boy bands. But in the more recent years my writing has changed a lot. I write a lot about my personal beliefs, morals, opinions, convictions, and views on the world around me. When I write I say what I honestly think about the subject without being interrupted or judged. I write for myself. I truely enjoy it. Theres something so freeing about just being able to say what you feel about any subject you choose, and just being able to speak your mind and get everything out on paper. I write whenever inspiration hits, or whenever something is really weighing heavy on my heart.